She Was
by wudgieclaw
Summary: Remus Lupin/OC oneshot Marauder's Era.


She was everything that was bright and good and sweet. She was the taste of honey on his tongue. She was a cotton dress in a field of daisies. She was Peter Pan collars and oversized knitted sweaters. She was marigolds and sunshine and barefeet.

She was staring back at him from across the Great Hall, her brows raised in question.

Remus Lupin jumped and quickly ducked his head, his face burning. He had no idea how long he had been staring at her, and he didn't really want to know how long ago she had noticed.

"Your elbow is in my potatoes, mate." Sirius stated, poking Remus with his fork.

Remus jumped again before pulling his arm away from Sirius' plate and brushing the potatoes off, causing Sirius to raise his brows, his dangerous smirk starting to pick up the side of his mouth. Remus kept his eyes on the table in front of him and didn't notice Sirius getting James and Peter's attention.

"Something wrong, Moony?" Sirius asked, his voice feigning worry and leaking amusement.

Remus recognized Sirius' tone and looked up at him warily. "No.."

"You look like you've seen a ghost. Nick give you a little peek?" James asked, resting his head on his shoulder and exposing his neck, wagging his eyebrows.

"Hmm, you know, James, I don't think that's it." Sirius said thoughtfully, leaning on his elbow and looking at Remus. Peter grinned beside James as his eyes darted from Sirius to Remus.

"I said nothing is wrong." Remus muttered.

James reached a hand across the table and rested it on Remus'.

"You can tell us anything, mate." he batted his lashes dramatically, his lips pouted.

Remus rolled his eyes and pulled his hand away just as Sirius lay his head on Remus' shoulder.

"We're here for you, Moony."

Remus pushed Sirius away with an annoyed groan, extracting laughs from the three of them.

"I think I'm going to bed now. Gotta make sure I get some rest before tomorrow night.." Remus said as he stood from the table. Sirius, James and Peter exchanged amused looks.

"Goodnight then, princess." Sirius called after Remus as he stalked off. When he turned his head to glare at his friends, he eyes scanned the Hufflepuff table.

She was smiling at him.

–

She was the glow of fireflies at dusk. She was sunbeams slipping through the leaves. She was the warmth of freshly baked muffins. She was a shy smile and glitter on cheeks and the smell of a new book.

She was in the Gryffindor common room.

James and Sirius were cheering and high-fiving the other Gryffindors, their Quidditch robes grass-stained and hanging from their shoulders. The rest of the team clapped and grinned along with them, ecstatic about their win over Ravenclaw. Remus had been watching and smiling with Peter beside him, but then he caught a glimpse of her, and he was gripped with the urge to hide.

She looked lovely and delicate in a worn, yellow sweater and her slightly wind-blown hair. Her cheeks were flushed from the chill and her lips slightly chapped.

"Are you alright, Moony?" Peter asked when he noticed Remus standing wide-eyes and terrified.

"I'm fine, Wormtail." Remus jerked his stare away from her and he offered Peter a half-hearted smile.

Peter looked over to where Remus was staring and saw her standing there with two of her housemates.

"Hufflepuffs are here." he noted and Remus pretended not to have noticed.

"Oh, uhh.. Probably happy about the win. Ravenclaw beat them last week." he stammered, shrugging and trying to seem nonchalant. Luckily, Peter wasn't as observant as Sirius or James, and he didn't pick up on the way Remus was acting.

Later that evening, Sirius wound his way through the crowd, a sloppy smile on his face and a girl's hand in his.

When he found Remus, his smile widened and he tapped him on the shoulder.

Remus turned away from Peter, and smiled at Sirius, until he noticed the girl standing slightly behind Sirius, her hand in his. His smile dropped and his heart twisted.

Sirius greeted his friends and pulled the girl forward.

"This is Isla. She's Hufflepuff." Sirius shouted over the music of the party. Peter grinned at the girl, but Remus could only nod at her.

Up close, she was even prettier, and Remus felt sick as she stood there, beside Sirius, smiling softly. Her strawberry blonde hair looked a bit more on the strawberry side as the orange glow of the fire soaked it, and her brown doe-eyes were bright and warm.

As she introduced herself, Remus felt a wave of regret and jealousy surge over him and he hardly heard anything she said. He was too busy cursing himself for not at least telling Sirius about the pretty Hufflepuff girl he couldn't stop staring at.. Remus should have known that someone as lovely as her would catch Sirius' ever wandering eye.

It wasn't until Sirius caught his eye that he pulled himself out of his self-pity.

Sirius nodded his head towards Isla as she spoke with Peter. Remus stared at his friend as he gave him pointed looks and nods towards the girl, but when she looked at him, he stopped and smiled at her.

"Say, Remus, why don't you tell Isla about that book you just finished." Sirius said suddenly, and Isla looked at Remus with a curious smile.

Remus felt his eyes widen and his tongue grew too heavy to move, but Isla stood there patiently, smiling at him.

"It was a Muggle book, wasn't it, Rem?" Sirius prompted, looking at Remus as if he were thick.

"Oh, which one?" Isla piped, her eyes latched onto Remus' face.

Remus stammered as Sirius and Peter rolled their eyes.

"Oh, uh, it was, um, _Alice in Wonderland_. Y-you may not have ever heard of it. It's a Muggle book, and you're a witch, and most witches and wizards have never even–"

Sirius shook his head at Remus, and Remus snapped his mouth shut, his face burning.

"I've heard of it, actually. I'm Muggle born, so I've read a lot of Muggle books." Isla's smile was sweet and before Remus could reply, she went on. "I've actually got some back in my room, if you'd ever like to borrow them."

Remus looked from Isla to Sirius, and when Sirius gave him a wolfish smile and started backing back into the crowd, understanding hit him like lightning: Sirius was setting him up.

Gratitude filled his chest as he watched Sirius rejoin James at the center of the room, and he made note to thank Sirius later.

–

She was hushed whispers in the library. She was a lopsided flower crown in soft curls. She was the dog-eared pages of his favorite book. She was cotton candy melting in his mouth.

She was talking with her hands again.

Even after being practically inseparable for two weeks, he still couldn't get over how adorable she was when she talked with her hands.

They were sitting in the sunshine beside the lake, and Remus tried to listen to her tell him about the time her dad took her fishing, but it was hard not to laugh at her as she waved her hands about.

When she realized he was laughing at her, she glared at him and her hands fell into her lap.

"Would you rather we sit in silence, Rem?" she asked, her voice full of annoyance.

"No, no. I'm sorry. Please, continue." he chuckled again, and she pushed him hard enough for him to fall over.

"What was that for?" he questioned.

Isla looked down at him with a smirk. "You were being mean."

"I was not!" Remus protested.

Isla rolled her eyes and turned away from him.

When Remus sat up, she refused to look back at him. Instead, she picked up her copy of _1984_ and began to read.

Remus fought his smile as he watched her. He liked to wind her up; he liked the way she wrinkled her nose when he made her mad, he liked that she always shot back with something clever, he liked that she couldn't stay mad at him for long. She always looked so cute when she fought smiles.

"Hey, Isla." he nudged her with his elbow, but she said nothing.

"Isla."

Nothing.

"Give me that." Remus snatched the book from her and she gasped.

" _Remus_!" she hissed. Remus held the book behind his back and she whipped around, glaring at him."Give it back."

Remus shook his head.

"I swear to Merlin, I will hex you five ways from Sunday." she warned, but she didn't reach for her wand.

Remus shrugged and smiled at her. Isla stared at him for a moment before diving, reaching behind his back. Remus held the book up and away from her, laughing as she put a hand on his shoulder and scrambled to her knees, reaching for it. His arm wound around her waist and held her, preventing her from reaching far enough.

"You're acting like a child, Remus!" she whined.

Remus watched Isla as she struggled to reach for her book, a smile on his face. Her cheeks were red from the cold and her frustration, her hair was falling from the ribbon that tied it up, and her perfume was everywhere..

His lips were on hers before he even realized it.

Her mouth was soft and sweet and it melted into his perfectly. Remus' mind turned into fuzz and static as she brought her hand up from his shoulder and on his cheek. He was almost afraid that she could feel his heart hammering against his chest.

He didn't even notice the book disappear from his grasp, but he certainly noticed the wink she gave him as she pulled away, waving the book in his face with a smirk.

"You should steal my books more often." she said, ruffling his hair as she stood to leave.

–

She was snowflakes melting in his hair. She was a kiss in the sunshine, under an old oak tree. She was the sun.

She had been crying.

He glared at her from the hospital bed, wincing as he turned towards her.

"Why are you here?" he demanded, embarrassment and guilt and fear choking him.

Her eyes were red and wet, but she looked fierce and hurt when she scowled at him.

"What do you mean, _why am I here_?" she countered. "Why are _you_ here? No one would let me see you, Rem!"

Remus shook his head and looked away from her.

It was late, late enough for Madam Pomfrey to be asleep, and he was far from recovered from the night before. He couldn't believe Sirius or James had been so careless as to let her come by. He knew he must look as awful as he felt. His ribs screamed in protest each time he moved, each time he took a breath. The various cuts and bruises must have been gruesome, but she didn't seem to mind looking at him.

She shouldn't be here.

"Good." was all he replied, and Isla scoffed, but ignored him.

"What happened?" she pressed, reaching for his hand.

He pulled it away.

"You should be in bed. You'll get detention if you get caught."

Isla stared at him, her mouth open slightly, tears beginning to form in her pretty brown eyes. Remus almost apologized, almost told her..

Remus swallowed his weakness and said nothing.

"I don't understand, Rem.." she whispered, staring at her hands.

"You should go, Isla." he said firmly, and causing Isla's head to snap up.

"Tell me why. If you're going to push me away, at least give me a reason." she said calmly. She was too sweet to yell at him, even if he deserved it.

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I just can't do this."

"Why? I know we've only been seeing each other for a month, but didn't it mean anything to you, at all?" Isla questioned, trying to suppress a sob. She was pitiful and heartbroken and confused, and Remus hated himself.

"None of that matters. I can't do this, and I won't, so that's that." he snapped, forcing all of his self-loathing into his words. Isla nodded softly as she ran a sleeve over her cheeks, brushing away the tears. He refused to look at her as she stood up to leave.

"I'm so sorry for you, Remus." she said softly. "I am so sorry that you feel as if this, whatever _this_ is," she gestured towards the hospital bed. "Is bigger than what we could have been. I am so sorry I couldn't help you, that I couldn't love you the way you deserve to be loved."

She left without looking back.

–

She was the special ingredient in his gran's famous chocolate chip cookies. She was the glow of birthday candles. She was magical and glowing and joyous.

She was gone.

It was the first day back after Christmas holiday, and when her family's name was in the Daily Prophet, Remus had to excuse himself from breakfast. The bile and regret in the back of his throat burned as he tumbled into the closest bathroom and sank to his knees in a stall.

 _A Muggle family from Sussex went missing over the Christmas holiday. Gregory Watson and his wife, Linda, along with their two children were last seen on December nineteenth, and were reported missing when they failed to arrive at Gregory's parent's house for Christmas diner. The Watson's had two children: a four year old son named Vincent, and a seventeen year old daughter named Isla, who was in her seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The house was found in disarray and it appeared to be–_

With each word Remus read, he could feel his heart caving in, his hands shaking, the way her lips felt on his cheek.. Pain reverberated throughout his body, and he almost felt as if he were going through a transformation. He almost wished he would, just so he could turn into a monster and rip something apart.

Sirius, James and Peter found him with his head in his hands and his heart shattered on the bathroom floor.

There was nothing they could possibly say to their best friend, so they each found some place to sit, so that Remus would know that he wasn't alone.


End file.
